Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Twas the Night Before Christmas - Our Version

After nearly a full year of reading IMF workpapers and attempting to translate them into actual english here for readers, this seems appropriate for our "Night Before Christmas" blog post. Below is the timeless classic "Twas the Night Before Christmas" in its legalized version (somewhat like an IMF workpaper reads). After that we will attempt to make some sense of it in real english  :)   Merry Christmas!


Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
 improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
 stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

 A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and  
 around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/  
 St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime  
 The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were  
 located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations,  
 i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited  
 to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in  
 said dreams.  
 Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as  
 "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the  
 second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained  
 period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of  
 headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)  
 Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the  
 unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a  
 certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of  
 the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the  
 cause of such disturbance.  
 At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of  
 wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being  
 pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)  
 reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the  
 previously referenced Claus.  
 Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the  
 approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal  
 co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder  
 and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is  
 further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been  
 The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer  
 intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences  
 located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle  
 was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or  
 nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or  
 implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the  
 Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue  
 from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the  
 aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what  
 appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances  
 and health regulations.  
 Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor  
 children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.  
 (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the  
 applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus  
 touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of  
 the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as  
 "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.  
 However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House,  
 the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry  
 Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.


Now let's see if can simply and translate the above:

Late on the night just before Christmas Day, the house was quiet. We hung some stockings up on the mantle to be ready for whatever might happen (we were prepared). Everybody put on their pajamas and went to bed and the kids dreamed about all kinds of good things.

Suddenly, my wife and I heard some loud noises out on the lawn. We didn't know if it might be some kind of crisis coming, but we did not panic because we were prepared for whatever it might be. Knowing it was important to stay alert and be informed, we looked out the window to find out what was causing all the noise.

What we saw surprised us. It was a very nice sleigh driven by Santa Claus and powered by 8 reindeer (is that an R-8 engine?).  It had a very cool glowing red nose for a hood ornament. It was filled to the brim with toys and packages. Kind of like the great low interest rates and rising stock market we have been enjoying.

Santa Claus jumped up on the roof and then came on into the house through the chimney. While this all seemed great, we continued to monitor events and stay alert. We watched as Santa Clause placed gifts under the Christmas tree and in the kids stockings. Things seemed to be going well.

When Santa Claus finished the job he flew right back up the chimney, hopped into his sleigh, cranked up the reindeer and took off. As he flew away he joyously called out "Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night".

Reflecting on these events, we were thankful that this event was not any kind of crisis and turned out fine. But we made a pact between us that we would continue to stay alert in 2015. Because who knows if the next noise out on the lawn will be Santa Claus?

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